Currently the police force consists of the following:
| 0 | John 'Zackery Black' Haines, 4b 14 Chapel Court Jesus College. |
| 0 | Steve 'Vampyre' Almond, D15a Girton College. |
| 0 | Jonathan 'Richilieu' Mitchell, 2.3 Hughes Hall, no water weapons |
| 0 | Catherine 'Cat the destroyer' E6 Gt Court, Trinity |
| 3 | Nick 'Sidious' Lang, 1B 7 Chapel Court, Jesus, no water weapons. |
| 2 | Matthew 'Granny' Garrett, Rm4 12 Park Street, no water weapons. |
| 0 | Katie 'Professor Yaffle' Boulter, F12 Gonville Court, Caius, no water weapons. |
| 0 | Hanna 'Lizard' Wallach, N15 Newnham, no water weapons. |
| 7 | Ed 'P.C.T.C.P.' Noakes, c65 Harvey Court, Caius, no water weapons |
| 1 | Alan Agent Blue Senior, A22, Selwyn, no water weapons |
| 0 | James Isherwood, M18 Cripps, Selwyn |
| 0 | Claire Michelle Midgely, 113 Blundell Court, Sidney Sussex, no water weapons |
| 0 | James The Queen Taylor, F4, Trinity Hall, no water weapons |
| 3 | Ashley Easy Target Alexander Lane, FF6, Queens, no water weapons |
| 0 | Thomas Beowulf Bell, H11, Trinity Hall, no water weapons |
| 2 | Edd Sir Psycho Sexy Pringle, 17 Braeside, Clare Colony, Clare, no water weapons |
| 1 | John Spartacus Allister, 67 Jesus Lane Room 7, Christ's, no water weapons |
| 0 | Hannah Dylan Davies, R10, Jesus, no water weapons |
| 0 | Jonathan Gringo Reynaga, CD5 Cromwell Court, Kings street, Sidney Sussex, water weapons okay |
| 2 | Claire Woland Bordenave, Old Hall 321, Newnham, water weapons okay |
| 0 | Richard Pope Innocent XIV Hainsworth, Rm6, Stair 11, Chapel Court, Jesus, water weapons okay |
| 1 | Étienne Chief of Police Chatenay, P10, Christs, no water weapons |
| 0 | Angela Wooden Spoon Rayner, F15, Robinson, no water weapons |
| 0 | Morag Necroneko Gray, V3, Third Court, Christ's, no water weapons |
| 5 | Bjoern Dirty Harry Holzhauer, C81 Harvey Court, Caius, no water weapons - killed by Gringo |
| 1 | Stewart 'Teatime Becker, R2b Dockett Building, Queens', No water weapons - killed by Étienne Chatenay |
| 0 | Edward Hicks, 14 Basings House, Quayside, Magdalene, no water weapons - killed by Étienne Chatenay |
| 0 | Ben 'Yama' Tanner, B33 Harver Court Caius, no water weapons - killed by Étienne Chatenay |
| 1 | Chris Fury Wigmore, E1, Fitz - killed by Étienne Chatenay |
| 0 | Anna 'Madame X' Martin, F2 New Hall, no water weapons - killed by Ping |
| 0 | John The Fellraven Harvey, F1 Fitz, no water weapons - killed by Tigger |
| 1 | Tom Chief of Police Lansdale, S3 Burrell's Field, Trinity College - killed by Tigger |
| 0 | Jack Whelpton, B11 Angel Court, Trinity - killed by Tigger |
| 0 | Ed 'Bloke' Parcell, E4 Angel Court Trinity, water weapons allowed in bedroom - killed by Tigger |
| 2 | James 'Seth' Green, E6 Fitzwilliam College, no water weapons - killed by Tigger |
| 0 | Kathleen Unicorn Brazier, 9 Benson Place, Fitz, water weapons with care - but no players to go upstairs. Late attacks liable to disturb neighbours - don't - killed by Tigger |
| 0 | Stu Harland Quinn Gill, 16 Braeside, Clare Colony, Clare, no water weapons - killed by Tigger |
Note the number indicates the current score for the Archaeonecros choccy prize.
| Players: | 11 kills |
| Police: | 21 kills |
| Criminals: | 13 kills |